Its been over a week since I have posted a blog on here. But had a lot of self care and self reflection. For which was vitally important to get me to this stage of my recovery. Today has been a massive turning point in my recovery, as I gained weight and did not even break down in floods of tears.

During my counselling session she was plugging into my PT part of my brain to get me thinking about the nutritional content of the foods. This some how changed my perception on things and brought back the memories of me being a PT. I also drew a plan of all the food groups and foods I should be having in my diet focusing on nutritional content than numbers of calories. As a PT I witness so many people being obsessed with numbers and not the actual content they are feeding their body with.

It is these foods our bodies run more efficiently and thinking of your body as a car you need the right fuel to run. When I had some good weeks of eating I would get into a pattern of binging on fatty and sugary foods. I remember my mood was unstable due to the foods spiking my blood sugar levels. My anxiety used to be higher after eating a lot of junk and lots of coffee. So my emotional state was unstable with massive mood swings. I was told this will happen by my counsellor, as my body is getting used to the energy and will create a bipolar effect on my moods.

I have found out that recovery is a massive learning curve, for which trial and error is needed. I remember the first week of recovery I did not know how to eat normal to gain weight so my brain went from wanting to binge as it was in starvation mode for so long. This was a feeling that I haven’t felt for a while and I was activating my ‘ feel good’ Hormones that was in dormant for a very long time.

Getting scientific here! Our bodies are clever machines that have hormones to keep us balanced everyday. If we make any changes or adjustments our hormones will be caught of guard. When we eat for example sugary and starchy foods we can get a rush of serotonin, which is a happy hormone our body produces but needs proteins to activate this hormone. As its firstly converted from the amino acids tryptophan found in many protein sources such as chicken, eggs, cheese, fish and peanuts. Tryptophan creates niacin that synthesises into serotonin. When we eat carbohydrates this causes insulin to be released in our blood, which promotes amino acid absorption and leaves tryptophan in the blood. For which is why we need to mix our protein high in tryptophan and carbohydrates to give us a big serotonin boost. This is also why in training we have a window of opportunity to get our nutrients in our bodies and working faster, which also means our metabolism is working over time. Having a good post workout meal also helps the sudden rush of serotonin and also getting proteins and glucose quickly to our muscles to replenish and repair. Growth hormones are also activated after a workout, for which it is vital to eat a good balance meal after a work out. This to some degree has relevance to my journey as I am needing food to replenish and repair my organs, systems and muscles. I have realised hormones play a key role in how we perform. We do not perform well when these are not working, for which it is mostly down to nutrition or fuel! I am slowly getting my hormones back to normal. This is down to my weight gain and nutrition I am feeding my body.

I have made major changes to my nutrition this week including good fats and balancing my meals to include proteins, carbs and most importantly fat! I have realised the importance of fat the hard way! As got my body fat to essential levels below 10%. I haven’t menstruated for 6 months as my organs was getting priority and using what ever fat was available to keep them going, but still my organs wasn’t getting the right source of nutrition to run efficiently. This week I have made changes and eaten good fat sources such as full fat yoghurt, milk, nuts and seeds. It is fat that is essential for your nervous system to work properly and was not getting the right vitamins that are only soluble with fat. I have noticed a difference already, as I have better energy levels and feel my anxiety is reduced. I have reduced my caffeine and switched to decaf, which was another catalyst that used to increase my anxiety, also interrupting my sleep.

The only damage I am now contending with is the foot drop and damage to my nervous system, that is still waiting on a proper diagnosis. However I am feeling grateful that this is the only thing effected, as I was very close to death before I made this decision to recover. It has given me a lesson to never abuse my body and learn to love it. Learning to love it is my next challenge to beat my Anorexia. I can see it changing rapidly repairing the muscles that was lost. However I need to change to a mindset that my body is becoming healthy and strong. I am also happy to announce today my reproductive system is working! I don’t think I need to go into any detail here!

I am also realising how clever our bodies are through muscle memory. Even with the damage to my nervous system. This also takes a battering when we abuse our bodies, however its clever in remembering. It’s remembered how to repair the muscle mass lost along with the strength and flexibility that was built within my muscles from a lot of repetition and training over the past few years.

I am using this experience now to get a better understanding of the physiology side of Personal Training. So using this journey as a blessing to give me more knowledge and experience that I can help more people with. But also allow me to be even more successful than last year! Even though I was one of the most successful PT’s around regionally for PureGym. I am now working on a plan for my future incorporating my experience I have learnt. Im am getting as much as I can out of this to make sure it was not any time wasted. But utilised and class it as a moment of my life I gained the most experience and one of the biggest achievement. The biggest achievement is beating this Anorexia to a pulp to obliterate it completely out of my life for good! Focus is on new beginnings, my career, inspiring others and helping more people in many different ways.